Luxury Life of a Cat: A Comparison to Human Servitude – The best things in life are free*

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What’s the one luxury you can’t live without?

*Free to cats, paid for by humans.

Luxury? You’re kidding, right? Everyone knows that being a pet owner and having luxuries don’t go hand it hand.

Consider, if you will, our cat’s life:

1. Food: the absolute best which, gram for gram, costs more than gold and crystal meth combined, eaten from a fancy Japanese raised bowl.

2. Water: the best Versailles glasses.

3. Medical care: is rushed to the Royal Physician if he so much as sniffs, and can always get a next- or same-day appointment.

4. Beds: has two of his own (one for spring-summer and the other for autumn-winter), plus use of ours. Can easily take up an entire super-king bed.

5. Stress: ha.

And ours:

1. Food: whatever is around, with mould scraped off, eaten from chipped Wilko plates bought in 2003 when Wilko still existed.

2. Water: cheap IKEA glasses clouded by repeated dishwasher use.

3. Medical care: after waiting forty minutes on hold, we might be lucky enough to get a doctor’s appointment for three weeks’ time.

4. Beds: the same bed at all times. Plus we have to adopt the Broken Pretzel pose to sleep, moulding our bodies around the cat.

5. Stress: please see points 1 to 4.

Louis Catorze truly lives the life of a king, whereas we trudge on, bowing and scraping to him like the servile beasts that we are. But are you so different when it comes to your feline overlords?

Are you existing on fresh air and dust whilst they dine on organic wild salmon eaten from solid gold plates? Please reply and let me know! I’d love some reassurance that I am not the only one who is such a pathetic conscientious cat owner.

King of the world.

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